So it’s been a while since my last post; I know, I’m lacking in motivation you may think but I assure you it’s not the case. Life, just seems to.. well, get in the damn way! It’s a positive thing of course, working, gardening, playing with my Son and venturing in the wilderness for family outings, anything that doesn’t essentially involve a bloody phone or Facebook!
After my relaxing few weeks away from blogging every night at late hours only to scrape myself off the pillows seven hours later for another day of work; I have found myself doing a lot of reflecting. Not reflecting on other people, but myself. I feel we are a nation, if not a world of judgementalists, we find it easy to wave the pointy fingers and judge friends, family, colleagues or even someone you don’t like. Come on, when haven’t you sat with someone and waved the pointy finger at an ideal that doesn’t quite coincide with yours? I have done it and I’m sure you have too. I still do it in fact; I’m only human after all, and you are too.
This isn’t a blog about trying to be the pinnacle of society, shining on civilization as the sear of perfection. Perfection, now there is a made up word if I have ever saw one, but that’s another topic! Anyway, it’s a blog about recognising the negative paradigms in our minds and the effect those have on the way that we live.
Reflection? Are you nodding your head in agreement right now or is the idea a good concept but the way you do things are so much better? lol. On a side note I shall tell you a little story:
The absolute turning point in my life was when I realised the way I was thinking and interacted with absolutely everyone in every way was flawed. This book helped me do that and it was because after reading it I desperately wanted to change on all levels; sought the change out like a shining light at the end of a long dark tunnel with only a pen light to guide me through the dank, foul smelling tunnel of failure.
After the initial realisation and working through the self help guides for several months I came across a young man, one who I could see was suffering from the exact same social ineptness that I was. I tried my hardest to talk to him, to guide him to the initial all encompassing “WOW” factor event, but it just wasn’t there. Eventually, I gave him the book to read, after all options were expended and I could see no more ways of helping I folded and said, “read this dude” and he did. This was his reaction to me:
“Wow Raymond, this describes me on every level, it’s as if the author knows me and is writing about me. However, I am happy with my life and it’s more of a novel than a help guide for me, I don’t need this. Thank you though”
Was he right? I don’t know, and it probably was inappropriate of me to thrust a book in his face and tell him the way he lives his life is wrong but this is an example of how deep rooted social patterns and routines lay in your mindset and how hard they are to change. He didn’t give a shit what the book said even if the cold hard facts were in front of his face, his life was fine at the moment, no immediate danger and he was very young and his system had always worked for him. It hadn’t got him killed or in any disastrous situations yet.
Reflection is a core concept that is extremely hard to do. Of course I mean reflection at a very deep level, not saying, “Oh, I think I really worked hard today” I am talking about behavioural reflection, when you sit down and not ask yourself, “how did I do that?” but “Why did I do that?”
I ask myself on occasion why I do things, “Why did I give that guy a bad time when he was only asking?” or “Why did I make that decision when all the facts stared me in the face and I ignored them” or, more commonly (not for me anymore thankfully), “Why did I lie through my teeth?”. If you can truly reflect on simple questions like these you will find yourself understanding a great deal more about yourself and other people. Whatever you do, be honest with yourself and don’t go near denial.
Denial, apart from being a river that spans the length of Africa (lol) is a powerful, powerful negative part of life that shields you from the most hurtful emotions and self-truths but it also prevents you from making any progress forwards in life.
Anyway. It’s Fathers day tomorrow and I do believe I am entitled to one long lay in with breakfast in bed courtesy of one Son helped by Mummy! lol
Night night and I hope you have enjoyed my rambling!
Thank you all for reading,